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Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day - The Worst List!

So Mother’s Day is officially over.  With it came list after list of the WORST Mother’s Day Gifts across the nation and I got such kick out of reading them that I compiled my favorites out of all the lists and my reasons why they are definitely on the WORST gift list ever. 

10.  Mulch – Now I personally love getting mulch.  Birthdays or whenever I love mulch.  Not sure why this is on the worst list but maybe its because of the work involved with a delivery.  I guess I understand in that who wants to spend the one day of the year we are suppose to be pampered on our hands and knees spreading mulch by the truckload. 

9.   A Pet.  Nothing says, “Here, you don’t have enough to do with your time” than handing over a wiggly creature that not only needs love (the easy part) but also fed and watered and bathed and potty trained along with your children. 

8.   Fruit of the Month.  -  Now on the surface you are thinking:  Hey!  It’s free fruit and you love fruit.  Why is this a bad gift?  Because it’s a TON of fruit and not always the kind you like.  Plus it just keeps coming and coming and coming.  You are so overwhelmed in fruit that you start to hide every time you see the UPS guy.  You are tossing out rotten fruit every time you turn around.  Stop the madness!  No fruit!

7.   Bathroom Cleaning Supplies – The comments and posts from people that got toilet scrubbers was unreal.  Seriously guys?  When is this ever a good gift, let alone a Mother’s Day gift?  “Here, go clean the toilet” is what you are saying.  What is wrong with you people?

6.   Kitchen Appliances – I know, I know some people would LOVE to get a new refrigerator as a gift.  Not for Mother’s Day though if you ask me and apparently several other ladies.  We spend so much time in the kitchen as it is, do we need one more hint to get our butts in the kitchen and “Fix me something to eat” than having a new shinny fridge or stove staring us in the face, every time we walk by?  I don’t think so.  Or what about a new dish washer?  I don’t personally have a dishwasher.  I don’t get the draw of one as it is.  You have to wash off your dishes in order to have a machine wash them for you?  Why not just wash them yourself and be done?  Anyway, I digress.  Cleaning supplies in general, not a good idea as a gift to show how much you appreciate the mothers in your life.

5.   Automobile items – OF ANY TYPE.  Does this need an explanation?  Most women would say no, but I will give one anyway.  Mother’s day is about MOTHERS.  We don’t generally give a rats patoot about the rims of our cars, the shine of our hood, or the oiling and protecting of our dash.  I’m not saying we don’t pay attention when we do have to break down and clean our cars, but we don’t want mother’s day to be a lesson on the proper care of our upholstery.  Thanks.  You want to help us out?  Clean and detail the car for us!  We would love that.  LOVE it. 

4.   Tools.  – Again OF ANY TYPE.  I can swing a hammer with the best of them (I know, go figure right?) but I don’t want one as a gift.  Nor do I want a weed eater, or sander, or a chainsaw.  Mother’s day is not an excuse to hit the SEARS or the Home Depot and pick out the latest and greatest toy that you want!  EVER.

3.   Lingerie – Really?  This made the top 10 lists everywhere. All I can say is EW!  Unless you have a different relationship that I do with my mother, I am pretty sure this is the most inappropriate gift out there to buy for mothers.  For all you Dads that go out and buy gifts for moms from their children, I am pretty sure I never have and never ever will buy my mom panties.  Icky.  What is wrong with people? (I seem to be asking this question a lot lately).

2.   Self Help Book – Not sure what to say on this one except, this doesn’t really come across as saying:  “Mom I love you just the way you are…except you may want to work on __________.”  We love our moms. Yes they have issues and some are nuts as hell, but rubbing their nose in their imperfections or things you deem to be imperfections is not quite saying that.

And the #1 worst gift to give on Mother’s Day….

1.   A membership to a gym or a diet plan – Hey mom, I know you gave birth to 3 kids, and that you have done everything for us and loved us unconditionally all our lives, buuuuut, you have put on a bit of weight and MAN.  You gotta do something about it.  I mean your ass is the size of truck.  Don’t you see it back there?  I decided to take your health into hand and buy you a 6 months membership into Jenny Craig.  I expect results now.  This was not cheap.  I want you down to a size 2 by Thanksgiving or you know what your Christmas gift is going to be?

I personally had a lovely Mother’s Day.  I got a bouquet of Tulips, which are my favorite, along Starbucks Coffee.  For dinner, I didn’t have to cook, as my husband went and picked up KFC.  I spent the day with my girls and my husband and all in all it was a nice day.  What more can you ask for really? 

How was your weekend everyone?  Can you top any of the worst on my list? 

ctny

3 comments:

  1. Hhahaahahahaha! That's hilarious! I have to think a gym membership takes the cake, though a self-help book is up there. LOLOLOL! Wow, I feel quite thankful for my bowl of hand-delivered cereal, lovely day out, topped off with East Side Mario's for dinner. ;)

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  2. Wait, cleaning supplies? Um...

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  3. Courtney, this is seriously funny! Loved the fruit one - I too felt the pain a few years back LOL
    Lucky me, they smartened up with age - or maybe it was me. Thanks for the chuckle!

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