So, I was finally able to watch the new Conan movie over the weekend. As you may recall I wanted to see it over the summer, but because it was rated R, I was not able too. Not because I am not old enough to get in (hahahaha) but because we go to see movies as a family and that one was not quite appropriate for a 9 almost 10 year old.
Thank goodness I had that foresight too. That movie....I was so excited for it. The story line looked so good? The lead guy that looked very promising? Just....vomit. Conan was sadly just a movie about splashing gallons of blood everywhere for no real reason. Oh and tons of boob shots. Why? Did they think a boobie here and there would make it a better flick? Bad, bad and so bad.
The movie starts out with young Conan, being part of a competition between the boys his age for a place in the warrior ranks. Of course his father has to die, which I expected, and they did it in the most violent of ways with pails of blood shooting out everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I thought, "Okay, I can get over the gore. I expected that." But then, the next scene you get a slut-ball Conan as an adult hauling off naked girls everytime you turn around, until that is...he meets...HER. Of course they hate each other at first. They have to fight it out until the end, when they realize they love each other.
The story line: Based around an old mask that comes to life with power when "filled" with the blood of a certain lineage. The mask is actually kinda cool and creepy all at the same time. One man claims the mask and plans to rule the world with his witch wife that is already dead, but the mask will bring her back to life. His daughter, also a witch with a scary freaky hairdoo, does a really good job in her part btw. The blood they need? Conan's woman of course. So the story consists of everyone trying to possess her. Fights and blood and death ensue until she is captured by the bad guy. Then more fights and more blood. There was a pretty good part with sand warriors. Had the whole movie been that caliber it would have been a good flick, but no.
All in all, I am so glad that I did not spend my $50 at the theater to see that load of poo. The $1.00 I spent through the redbox, was almost too much. Bummer.
That's all I got for today. Have a great week everyone.