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You have made it all the way here, so you may as well sit down, take a minute to look around, and enjoy. What you will find, depends on the day and my mood. You just never can tell.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Learning to Use The Word: No

Who are you?  Or maybe I should rephrase to:  Who am I?  Do you ever wonder about that?  Who you are…really?  I know I’m a wife.  I know I am a mother.  But what does that really mean?  Is that the answer to who? 

I like to think I am a good person.  I am loving and giving and extremely loyal.  I will knock myself out trying to help a friend.  I will bend over backwards for people.  I am a bit of a miser, simply because I have been poor and I have been hungry and as Scarlet would say:  I’ll never go hungry again!  I listen and I try very hard to not judge.

These same things that make me a good person are the same things that make me a chump.  I give more than I should of myself and my time and my energy to the point that I run myself down.  I'm not talking money.  I keep giving to people that really don’t deserve my time simply because, I have faith in them that they are a good person…deep down…maybe way deep down.  However the past few weeks I have come to the conclusion that I may be wrong on this. Maybe some people just suck.  They don’t have any good in them at all, and I ‘m tired of trying to find it or wait for it to show itself.

Sounds somewhat sad doesn’t it?  Actually, it’s a good thing.  There is a saying:  Never push a person to the point where they just don’t give a crap anymore.  Welp, I’m there.  And I have to tell ya, that not caring anymore about some things, is a bit freeing.  Who knew?  I sure as heck didn’t.  I always thought that if you aren’t giving to people, you aren’t a good person.  Well, the fact of the matter is, most of the people taking and taking and taking, don’t need…they want.  I had to learn the difference.  I had to grow and learn and realize that giving to the point of being taken advantage of is not what that means.  Giving to people that actually deserves my time and my care is.  Maybe deserve isn’t the right word, but there are plenty of undeserving that are now on the list. 

Does this mean I will stop giving in general?  Nope.  It means, that I will be more “miserly” in my giving.  Do they actually NEED or are they just selfish twits that have no idea or desire on how to be a grownup?  The wallowers, the lazy, the vain and narcissistic.  Does this mean I will not be a nice person anymore or that I will be spiteful and mean.  Nope, it just means that I am learning to use the word:  NO.  It’s such a small word, but oh so powerful.  I think I like it. 

So who are you?  I’m not sure anymore of that answer myself, but I’m learning.  Every single day, I’m learning. 


I’m out next week at a convention.  I’ll catch up on the 16th.  

2 comments:

  1. Oh wow, we have a lot more in common than I thought! You took the words right out of my mouth. This is how I've been feeling for the last 20 years of my life. I think the older you get...the more you finally catch on! People are selfish, self-consumed, and think they are always right. At least more people than I care to know...are that way. I, like you, though tend to trust everyone and am always nice. However, I have learned and continue to learn that being nice and being "a sucker' are two different things. I might be a sucker once, but never again! The saddest thing about it is that you lose people you really thought were close to you once you say NO. That's when you finally find out they never really cared to begin with. And I for one refuse to waste anymore time on those kinds of people. I'll be nice, but only in the mindset that I will never expect anything back from them. If I want to be nice and giving I will. But if I expect them to do the same back for me...then I won't. Sure sounds easy doesn't it? But you and I both know, it isn't, and it still hurts.

    You're a great person in my book, Courtney. One of the best friends I've ever had that I could honestly count on to listen and really care! I treasure the person you are.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, Allyn. It's a relief to see that there are other people out there that are struggling with these issues and are coming to the same conclusion. Makes me feel better and a bit less alone...and mean. LOL. Thank you.

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