You never know how you look through someone else’s eyes. Have you heard that line before? It always strikes me and makes me think and ponder. How do I appear to others? It’s not even that it really truly matters to me anymore. Oh, it would have when I was younger, but anymore, not so much, most of the time. It’s just a vague, hmmm, type of thought for me. The other people in my day-to-day world, what do they see? Do they see a struggling to be organized and failing woman full of chaos? Or, do they see the calm and all together professional woman with an artsy way and laid-back demeanor? Does it really matter if they buy the screen I have put up or if they see through it? No. Yes. Maybe. It really depends on the day, and which woman I am at the moment. When I have it all together, I could care less. When it seems like everything is falling apart at the seams, it does. I don’t want anyone to see me struggle. At all.
Then you have the other side to that coin. Why does it matter if they see that I am human and have good days and bad days? I don’t want my life to be a burden on someone else. We all are struggling in some way. We all have good days and bad day. I don’t want my bad moment to add more weight to someone else’s all ready burdened shoulders. I’m very contrary though as other days, I really just want to unload and cry on someone else so that they can hear all the good, the bad, and the ugly of my day and then tell me, it will all be okay whether it’s true or not. I don’t every really do it, but trust me, I really want to. I come close now and then, and then I see their face that says, “oh Lord, I can’t deal with this right now” so I suck it back in, paste on a smile and say, no, it’s all-good. Everything great. Kids are great. Jobs great. Writing is great. Everything is just great. Great, great, great.
The rain is getting to me. It’s making me melancholy. So back to my initial question, how do you look though someone else’s eyes? I look great. Ha!